What do you think of when you hear the term "common sense" parenting? Do you think of wild strategies and difficult concepts that are just a bit out of your reach? Would you think...hmmm...now that sounds like something I am missing out on. Or would you likely think, yeah...well duh that is how I parent. I have to admit, I feel a bit snotty right now. I don't mean to. I don't want to. However, the situation I recently learned about has caused quite a bit of reflection on my part.
I was listening to a parent describe some difficulties her son has. Some of her other children have a few "issues" as well but this particular child caused enough grief for his poor parents that they sought out professional advice. She was updating some of us on his progress. She started talking about how they have "trigger" words and a certain series of steps they perform and how these have greatly reduced her child's outbursts. This is the part where I began to develop quite the stupefied expression. The things she was describing are things I've been doing since the beginning of my parenting expedition. If my kid throws a tantrum, I send them to their rooms to cool down. I give them a choice typically of door opened or closed. I speak calmly. I repeat my expectations of them calmly. When my child asks to buy something every day (pretty much a repeat occurrence at the grocery store) I do not buy them whatever they ask for. "No" is a word used regularly and with meaning in this household. This woman was just so amazed at the effects these new techniques had on her son.
So what do I do as soon as I've sat through this woman's retelling of the counseling sessions? I called my mom. I needed to understand some more and try to get a grip on how this lady could find these "techniques" so earth shattering. Lately, she has been complementing me on my mothering skills. She tells me of other people complimenting me on my mothering skills. And while it is nice to hear that you are doing a good job, I let her know that it was beginning to make me uncomfortable. I had another friend ragging on her own parenting and comparing her household to mine. That made me uncomfortable as well. I am far from perfect. I yell at my kids. I get mad at them. I am human. But I think I do pretty well in using common sense to parent.
So that brings me to my question, how do you parent? Do you remember to use nice words and logical consequences? Consequences are important. Respect is important. Loving the heck out of them is important. And we wouldn't do what we do day in and day out if we didn't love the little buggers, eh?